What does it mean to celebrate all of you?
I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.
Birthday’s have always been a challenge for me, until last year when I finally faced my demons and asked myself,
“why do I really not like to celebrate my birthday?!”
This coming from someone who promotes celebrating every day, finding a reason to celebrate and hosting events to celebrate your milestones, your message, your movement and just about anything that makes you smile.
I feel like an imposter sharing this out loud, but here it goes.
We’re all a work in progress
If I believe everyone’s story is worth sharing, then I must believe that mine is worth sharing, too.
Being an entrepreneur has brought so much self-awareness in my life, especially over the last four years.
After being married for almost 15 years, and having two kids. I’m still doing a lot of work to heal from past traumas, self-inflicted mental wounds, hurts, and understanding why I do the things I do, and think the way I think.
I know I’ll never stop doing work on myself.
We’re all a work in progress, and I find it fascinating when your thoughts, ideas and behaviors begin to click to help you tell your story. You find a new perspective you never even thought of before because you were so focused in on your own pain.
Can you relate?
So why am I sharing this with you?
Because I believe it’s important, and even relevant to being an entrepreneur, a coach and an event host!
As I study events and ask myself why I’m so attracted to them, I’m drawn to the celebration that events convey and bring to the table.
One of my dear coaches once said to me,
“the thing you value the most today is the thing you craved growing up as a child.”
It was deep, and you can bet that I started balling out of control.
Which brings me back to why I didn’t like celebrating my birthday. We all have a moment in our lives that sticks out like a sore thumb, that’s been ingrained in our minds so deeply, it’s painful.
I don’t know what that is for you, but I sure hope you address it if you haven’t already.
Before last year (2020), the only memory of ‘celebrating’ my birthday was of a much younger me icing my own cake in my abuelita’s yellow painted kitchen.
It was late and my dad worked the night shift, while my mom was busy caring my two younger sisters who were still in diapers.
I remember feeling forgotten, unseen and unimportant. Uncelebrated. I won’t spare you with all the feelings and details here. One day I will.
For whatever reason, that day was the day I decided I wasn’t worth celebrating.
Did we have birthday dinners after that? Of course, but I always kept my expectations low and didn’t ask for much.
Fast Forward into adulthood, married with kids – the feeling still spilled over. As a mom and wife, I wanted my husband and kids to feel celebrated. So I always went all out on their birthdays. Still do.
For mine, I didn’t even try. I didn’t ask for fear of being disappointed. I began to feel resentment.
Until one day, I was led to The Work by Byron Katie. Mind you, this was the icing on the ‘cake.’
Before my 37th birthday, I had worked with 5 coaches both for business and lifestyle, became an NLP (neuro linguistic programmer) practitioner, went on a retreat in the mountains to discover what I truly wanted in life, and read several books in pursuit to be a better version of me.
Having a growth mindset supported me in moving forward. I was reminded by each coach in one way or another that I get to choose me. I am responsible for my happiness, not anyone else’s.
I was reminded that God created me. That I am beautiful no matter what anyone on this earth says, myself included. And that everything I need is available in abundance if I am open to receiving it.
The Work by Byron Katie
I think I learned about The Work by Byron Katie, through Brene Brown’s podcast, or perhaps through a challenge I took with Luci Lampe about finding my inner Goddess.
No matter how it came, it came at the right time. Right before my 37th birthday, a time when I was feeling more confident in myself than ever before.
One night while sitting on my couch I decided that I wasn’t going to let my old beliefs rob me from celebrating another year of this beautiful gift, called life.
[As a disclaimer, I’m not a psychologist, and I still think about that day when I was icing my own cake, it just doesn’t sting as much. And hey, you might be thinking, that’s not a very traumatic experience, there’s more to the story that I don’t share, and remember each person’s trauma looks different and is significant to their healing.]
After choosing a belief that you want to change, or a specific situation that upsets you, journal about it, you ask yourself four questions. You can find the questions on Byron Katie’s website, but I’ll list them here for reference.
For me, I wanted to remove the belief that I wasn’t worthy of being celebrated. I had believed that my parents didn’t want to celebrate, me. The reason being is, if they didn’t have me, it would’ve been easier for them to separate.
Here are the four questions:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know it’s true?
- How do you react? What happens when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without that thought?
After going through the questions, you have the opportunity to turn things around and look at the other person or people’s point of view.
It’s amazing what asking yourself these questions and listening to Byron’s soft voice coaching you the entire process can do.
I can’t remember all the details, and I do remember coming out of the exercise feeling so empowered. I had a new perspective. The perspective of my parent’s. I felt a deeper respect for my parents whom I had been upset with for so long around this one feeling.
I realized that they were doing the best they could with the resources they had. I began to empathize with them both, and understand that they, too, were going through their own hurts. They did not mean to intentionally cause me pain.
So much forgiveness came out of this work. So much healing.
I believe it is now my right and my duty to celebrate me so that others will give themselves permission to do the same.
Why do I share this? Because your story is worth sharing, and YOU are worth celebrating.
There are so many parts of us, our experiences, our kids, our significant others, our skills, our abilities, our passions, our pains, our joy, our spirit, our heart, our love.
I want you, and me, to be able to celebrate all of it.
No shame, no judgement.
Just a celebration of how it all shapes us into who we are today. How we’re going to leave the world a better place because of it.
I’m not sure how I’m going to do it, but what I do know is that I am on a mission to help other women feel celebrated for all they are.
How does this tie into hosting events?
After working in the event industry for years, specifically with entrepreneurs, I’ve noticed that there’s a lot of emotion and fear that come up.
There’s the decision to host an event and market yourself as an expert. You may struggle with imposter syndrome thinking, “who am I to host this event?”
Then, when you finally decide to host your amazing event, you get to invite people to be a part of it.
Again, you put yourself out there and are now involving other people. The pressure of having a successful event might become a heavy burden.
When you promote your event to the outside world, it’s exciting, but also that imposter syndrome returns and you begin to wonder if anyone will show up.
On the actual event you experience pure adrenaline. And after the event, you come down from your high and you read one negative comment and you’re like, “why do I even bother?”
Why?
Because you have a message to share. You have a movement to lead. You are worth celebrating because you stepped into the spotlight. You took a stand and poured value into people’s lives, and empowered others to do the same.
Hosting events, in-person or virtual, are one hell of a roller coaster ride of emotions, but so is entrepreneurship, so is raising kids, so is life.
You got this!
Your Turn
Will you join me in Celebrating ALL of You? I want to know. How do you celebrate yourself?
Check out The Work by Byron Katie, she offers so many free resources on her site. Download the worksheet, do the exercises, and allow her to walk you through to change.
Update
After making this post live, I celebrated my birthday with my loved ones. I created a new, beautiful and very meaningful memory with my parents that will replace the old one I mentioned above. It’s amazing what happens when you set your intentions with love and celebration. Thanks for reading.
Angela Quisumbing is a multi passionate mompreneur. She is the CEO + Event Strategist for Angela Grace Events where every day and everyone is a reason to celebrate. She is also the host of the Facebook live show, Angela Grace Celebrates Live where she features tips, industry experts, and tools to help you plan and promote a successful and memorable event. She’s also an aspiring speaker and a self-proclaimed advocate for lifelong learning.